i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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