I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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