I queefed so loud it echoed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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