so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
