So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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