her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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