So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
