Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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