I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize