fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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