Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
