I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
