I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
