i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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