It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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