my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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