This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
