bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
