He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
