I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have tasted many bathrooms
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