Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
