At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
two words...techno handjob
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
