I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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