Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need a burrito and a hug.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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