Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
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I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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