Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
