using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she told me i tasted like america
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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