she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I stole a fireplace last night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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