I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
