Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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