I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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