i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
