yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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