well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
