We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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