do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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