He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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