M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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