I feel like abortions should bother me more
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
