we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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