that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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