Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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