something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
