Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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