I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
