Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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