You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
