her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
