You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
