Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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