Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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