it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
