did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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