I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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