Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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