I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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