So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
