whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize