Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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