and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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