Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
