In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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