I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
