I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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