we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
