I'm gonna have a badass scar
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
