her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
