there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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